Equilibrium

The trite story about the warrior who wanted to be taught what is heaven and hell from the monk is well worth remembering. It is true - what is heaven and what is hell is all a state of mind.

I read through my diary (in which I scribble down random thoughts) and note the changes in my moods with some amusement - I imagine it shows the emotional trajectory of a bi-polar maniac, with all its ups and downs. All for what? It isn't as if I have gone through any tremendous trauma. It isn't as if I can't do anything that I want. It isn't as if I have been hit with anything that cannot be dealt with. It is just a reflection of my lack of patience. I know all this logically, but I don't use this knowledge emotionally.

I have lost my humility, it seems, if I can be so easily disappointed because things don't appear on the surface to be going my way, so easily upset that others don't appear to understand me, so easily angry at such things. After all, in many ways I can count myself as fortunate.

This weekend, I will take time to look back on all this and repent my flighty capriciousness. I will spend time with friends, make the effort to listen to them instead of droning on about myself, and remember all the good things in my life that make me a very lucky soul. And I'll try to hold onto that thought for a little bit longer than I have been doing over the past couple of months.