Ahem, this is your host from the red carpet...

It was a toss up between being serious and square and watching the full speeches of Dubya and Co. sounding out the UN General Assembly on CNN versus the MTV Video Music Awards - the Opening. Quite a difficult choice to make. Of course, once I realised that the dark-haired girlie in a pink feather puff (and seemingly nothing else) was actually Christina Aguilera strolling down the incredibly long red carpet leading to the Rockefeller Center in New York, I had no choice but to watch the MTV VMA 2003.

I love awards ceremonies. I think it's about as close to a real ball as most people will ever get to see - the balls I've been to really don't have people dressed up in designer outfits (and if they did, they were never as good-looking/glamourous/good at dancing). I used to stay up all night to watch the Oscars, even if it meant sleeping through class the next day.

OK, pairing Kelly Osbourne and Avril Lavigne together may have pulled the glam factor down a notch or two - but hey, they managed to make Avril's shoulders look feminine by placing her next to someone literally twice her size (sorry, but have you ever looked at her shoulders? I swear they are broader than some men's I know). Pamela Lee or whatever she calls herself these days was there, with a small leather band disguised as her skirt. Kelly Clarkson brought her little brother as her 'date'. The presenter says, "Wow, so you're from Texas, too [just like your sister]?" I'm glad I'm not the only one who suffers from foot-in-mouth syndrome. And then.... Duran Duran turned up! Squeal! Scream! They still have bleached hair! The same presenter had the nerve to remind Simon Le Bon that he had a mullet in 1984. Justin Timberlake looked like David Beckham pre-Ruud Gullit hair. He sounded like him too (thin, nasal). 50 cent (or "Fifty" as Kelly Rowland called him) turned up wearing a Versace suit - it was sweet, he had to ask someone else to find out what brand he was wearing (maybe he wasn't sure how to pronounce the name) - complete with a silver tie, silver hat and lots of thick silver bracelets. There was such a beautiful sunset over the Rockefeller Centre. Pity they only showed 3 seconds of it. Blackeyed Peas sang their song. Beyonce complained that it was overwhelming - "so many people, the press and everything".

I would have liked to tell you who won. Unfortunately I can't. They only showed the opening. So I'm left none the wiser. I have heard about the famous kiss between Madonna and Britney. I'll have to wait until M. gets here to see it - he taped the show when it aired in the UK. I suppose I could look up the winners on the web, but it wouldn't be the same. I want to see the actual proceedings.

But I did get to see a music video featuring a Chinese guy dressed in hip hop gear looking gloomy as he rapped with ballroom dancing going on behind him in a basketball court. As if this wasn't confusing enough, the video also featured Yao Ming drinking Pepsi. It was the song for the Pepsi ad in China! So, all was not lost...