Girls, be women

I usually bitch about the lack of decent men in this world - Wendy Cope was so right when she said 'bloody men are like bloody buses'. These days, however, I am more likely to bemoan the fact that some of my intelligent, beautiful and generally all-round lovely female acquaintances are embracing men who are not worthy of their little toe. And getting miserable about it. And making me feel miserable with them. I can't help it - it just gets to me when I hear about all this stuff going on. I mean, why put up with it?

Ladies, if a man says (a) "I don't believe in doing things the way other people do, why should you have to get married just because other people get married?" or (b) "I don't know what I want in this relationship" or (c) "Why can't things stay the way they are?" after going out with you for a year or two when what you want is far more commitment than that, I really recommend you tell him how you feel, instead of (i) crying into your friends' shoulders asking "Why doesn't he love me?" or (ii) crying over the phone asking "What's wrong with me?" or (iii) pretending that it's fine, even though you can't stop talking about it every time you talk to your friends. It's good to talk, believe me. Give him a piece of your mind.

If he still doesn't 'talk the talk', so to speak, then you need to be a bit brutal. I'm talking about cutting losses - yes, you may have to break up with him. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. It may be easier if you question two things - (1) is he ugly? and (2) is he good in bed? (if you are HK Chinese or Korean, I think generally (3) is he rich? also applies). Imagine how you would feel if you got dumped by an ugly man. Or someone who was crap in bed. It's not good, is it? For one thing, you'd give the man the wrong kind of confidence - he may assume (wrongly) that his market value has gone up, try to look for someone 'better' than you and end up humiliated. So it's not good for him either.

Trust me, your broken heart will mend. You will find someone who will admire you and respect you for the really lovely person that you are and be happier than you are now. And in the meantime, there are all these places to visit, spa treatments to have, great wines to drink with your friends, who, of course, are already on your side...