Liquidity levels

There are many ways of describing the difficulty of negotiations. I have decided that there should be a universally acceptable way of grading them, you know, so that you can prepare in advance. 'To be forewarned is forearmed' and all that. My suggested basis of measuring such difficulty levels is the consumption level at the meeting of that eau minerale bottled at source, Perrier. So, the Perrier scorecard is as follows:

- The Universal Perrier Hostility and Difficulty Measuring Table -

1 Perrier - Pleasant casual meeting dressed up as business.
2 Perrier - Should've ordered juice but thought pleasant casual meeting would be shorter. Possible negative issues surface.
3 Perrier - Niceties exchanged, but quickly to business. Surfacing negative issues dispatched shortly as 'to be discussed later', but identified. People still joke about the weather, Americans (trust me, including Americans) and whether the golf is going well.
4 Perrier - Negative issues are examined and discussed. People are still being relatively nice. No jokes. Junior persons in the room perfect their executive frowns.
5 Perrier - Screaming has erupted. People say things like "Would you just let me finish my sentence? Is that too much to ask?". Somewhere in the corner of the room there are people crying, wailing "I want my mummy!" (they may be doing this inwardly while appearing cool, calm and collected. Tell tale sign - when the Perrier labels are scratched off piece by piece with fingernails).
6 Perrier - Get out of there! No longer negotiation but actual character assassination involved. People say things like "To be honest, I don't know what [the f**k] you're doing. If I were you I'd [go f**k yourself]". Some papers may be thrown around. The people who were crying at 5 Perrier are now dumb with shock, and refuse to participate in any way other than sit there, sucking their thumbs. The person receiving the verbal abuse wants to crawl up in foetal position and die, but has to continue making the point that is drawing fire to them in the first place. At this point it is wise to suggest a toilet break or hold back the enraged person so that they stay on their side of the table.

I'd say I coasted all of the Perrier levels today, up to 6 Perrier. And no, I never got to be in the position to say all the bad stuff, either. I'm too nice to swear, damn it.