Looking in the mirror

This is the last posting I will be able to make before I head into the final crazy throes of the signing. For one thing, E. will kill me if she caught me blogging in the next 24 hours. I don't want to turn my friend into a murderer.

Today the two senior guys (a.k.a. my clones) and I had a heart-to-heart chat about my performance on this deal (based on what they have seen in the past 12 hours they have been here). What they said was very frank, very brutal and all very worthy. It hurts like hell because I am a proud person and it is difficult to swallow because it is so difficult to change yourself just like that, with a click of your fingers. If I was less exhausted I would probably not be so upset. Unfortunately I am almost at the end of my tether and it is also hormonal time. You know (if you are a girl, that is). So I am left feeling that (a) I have been running around like a headless chicken (b) whatever I did was negated by the fact that I was running around like a headless chicken (c) this negative outcome is the result of me not being a competent person. I know this is not what the two clones (it's easier to refer to them that way) intended as part of their frank assessment, seriously - they are very decent guys. But this is the emotional part of me reacting.

I will do my best for the rest of the deal, but knowing that it is not the best.