Wiped out and wimpish....but not dead yet

Yup. That's exactly what I am. That's exactly what you would expect me to be, too, after an 11 hour marathon meeting, right? I'm not Superwoman and I don't pretend to be (although M. thinks differently).

I feel a bit frustrated right now because I am definitely being seen as the 'tough cookie' by all the men in the transaction. Not that there aren't any women, it's just that the role I am playing (negotiator and documentation counsel) means that I have to be the messenger. And we all know what happens to the messenger - he usually gets strung, drawn and quartered (if you don't know what I mean, read Dickens' 'A Tale of Two Cities' and the bit where they describe public hangings). Even my clients are taking in this message - that I am a queen bitch and someone who would eat her own young (raw. With chili bean paste. Wrapped up in lettuce). So they tease me about it.

I resent being seen as the dragon woman. It's not because of what I say - I know this because when my client repeats exactly what I just said, there is a definite change in the reception to the message - and it's not how I say it - the other side's counsel is aggressive to the point of hostile. I think it is because I am unusually aggressive in a negotiation for a woman - although this would not be how they would see it if I were a guy. Heck - I would have to suffer a total personality change before I could bring myself to be so darn rude as that other counsel.

What a pity we can't just be nice and get along. But no, that's not the way these deals work. And to be honest I don't think the client would appreciate it if I swallowed everything without a fight. It just ruins my naturally sweet, shy and caring temper to be the firebrand, that's all. M. usually says: "You're not meant to be nice to everyone. You're meant to be nice to me! I'm the one who's meant to see your soft side!". Well, baby, that's exactly what's happening still. You're the only one who gets to me.