Wiped out and wimpish....but not dead yet
Yup. That's exactly what I am. That's exactly what you would expect me to be, too, after an 11 hour marathon meeting, right? I'm not Superwoman and I don't pretend to be (although M. thinks differently).
I feel a bit frustrated right now because I am definitely being seen as the 'tough cookie' by all the men in the transaction. Not that there aren't any women, it's just that the role I am playing (negotiator and documentation counsel) means that I have to be the messenger. And we all know what happens to the messenger - he usually gets strung, drawn and quartered (if you don't know what I mean, read Dickens' 'A Tale of Two Cities' and the bit where they describe public hangings). Even my clients are taking in this message - that I am a queen bitch and someone who would eat her own young (raw. With chili bean paste. Wrapped up in lettuce). So they tease me about it.
I resent being seen as the
dragon woman. It's not because of what I say - I know this because when my client repeats exactly what I just said, there is a definite change in the reception to the message - and it's not how I say it - the other side's counsel is aggressive to the point of hostile. I think it is because I am unusually aggressive in a negotiation for a woman - although this would not be how they would see it if I were a guy. Heck - I would have to suffer a total personality change before I could bring myself to be so darn rude as that other counsel.
What a pity we can't just be nice and get along. But no, that's not the way these deals work. And to be honest I don't think the client would appreciate it if I swallowed everything without a fight. It just ruins my naturally sweet, shy and caring temper to be the firebrand, that's all. M. usually says: "You're not meant to be nice to everyone
. You're meant to be nice to me
the one who's meant to see your soft side!". Well, baby, that's exactly what's happening still. You're the only one who gets to me.