If you didn't think you needed to get pissed out of your tree tonight, here's a reason why you should cheer up - this won't happen to you

Dad called me a week into my stay here.

Me: " Hi Dad."
Dad: "You still staying at his house? Is he at work?"
Me: "Yes."
(Silence)
Dad: "So have you found out whether he is from where he says he is from?"
Me: "Whaddya mean?"
Dad: "You know, like his university - did he graduate from where he said he did? And does he work where he said he works?"
Me: "DAD. Of course."
(Silence)
Dad: "I won't go into details like a doctor....that will make you embarrassed. But just protect your body, OK?"
Oh goodness. Is he talking about contraceptives?
Me: "Um yes, ah...."
Dad:" You should always take care of your body. Understand?"
Oh goodness. He is talking about contraceptives. Help.
Me: "Yes, Dad, of course."
Please, please, please don't say any more. I may have to die.
Dad: "You're not a child anymore. I'm sure you understand."
Me: "Yes, Dad, I do."
Please.
Dad: "All right." (Click).