Indian food in my belly

I am grateful to the gods that I was not born of Indian descent. Had I been born of Indian parents, I would now be roughly the size and shape of a house. How do Indians stay slim when you have all that lovely food to eat? I have been blessed with the opportunity to have home made Indian food many times, thanks to my friends. I know how to make curry from scratch, although I draw the line at pounding the pestle and mortar. I still can't eat with my hands, though, no matter how hard I try without looking like an idiot.

Hot curries I have known....well, I can tell you that Sri Lankans love stark-raving fiery curry. I found this out the hard way.

Back in the days when I was young, stupid and drunk, I staggered home one night from a prolonged drinking session to find my Sri Lankan flatmate tsking at me in the kitchen. It was one o' clock.
S.: "Good morning, J-A. Are you drunk?"
Me: (Nods).
S.: "Have you had dinner?"
Me: (Shakes head).
S.: "Would you like some egg curry and rice?"
Me: (Nods).

S. heated up the curry and rice and left the plateful of food and me to go back to bed. I spooned the curry into my mouth with glee. 'Yay, I go out drinking all night and I come home to hot food! Yay for my flatmate!' I thought. What my flatmate had completely forgot, however, was that she had made the curry extra hot. And I'm terrible with hot food. I should have stopped eating, but in my hammered state I chose to carry on eating the dementia-inducing fire and brimstone of a curry, even though I was probably steaming from my ears. I fell asleep in a dizzy state - intoxicated, with burning intestines. But I woke the next morning feeling better than I would have without the curry in my belly. Maybe it was all the lurve from the home made curry.

S. now lives in London with her husband. Lucky guy. He gets home made curry every evening! How I'd love to sit down to dinner with them again.