Peanut butter and Marmite

Me: "I got a small packet of Smucker's strawberry jam with my bagel this morning."
M.: "Do they have Smucker's in the UK?"
Me: "Yes. They import Smucker's peanut butter and jelly spreads."
M.: "Why do they need to import peanut butter?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
M.: "Don't they make it in the UK?"
Me: "What makes you think there are any British producers of peanut butter?"
M.: "So they don't make peanut butter in the UK?"
Me: "No ¹."
M.: "They don't even import the peanuts and mash them into peanut butter?"
Me: "No ¹."
M.: "Oh. I just thought they might do.Well, what do they spread on their toast, then? Oh, I get it, you have baked beans on toast instead."
Me: "What?"
M.: "Beans, peanuts....they're all the same, right?"
Me: "No, we don't just have baked beans on toast. We have jam, remember? And Marmite ²."
M.: "Marmite - now that's gross. You're telling me they still haven't converted to peanut butter?"
Me: "Apparently Marmite's good for you."
M.: "Can't they have soya beans and spinach? That's good for you. And they can spread peanut butter on their toast."


¹ I have not done any Googling to verify my answers to M.'s questions. It may well be that peanut butter is amazingly popular with young children in the UK and thus there are many British producers.

² Marmite is a brown vegetable yeast spread that is designed to make children cry. The children grow up into adults and later inflict it in turn on their own offspring, telling them that 'It's Good For You'. The adults all pretend to enjoy it, but actually if you give them a choice of home made strawberry jam or marmalade against Marmite they will embark on crusades to get their paws on that instead.