Meet the parents

That paragon of organised efficiency, my friend E., called me on Monday.
"I've sent you a link for flowers. Pick three different colours and I'll make the final decision. I've already thought of the ones that I consider are more appropriate to give to your mother, but you should decide what you think she would like, too," she said.
"Why are we giving my mum flowers?" I asked.
"It's not you, it's M. It's his first meeting so M. should be giving your mum something," she said.
"Why?" I asked.
"It's the first meeting so M. should give presents to both your mum and dad," she explained patiently.
"I didn't know M. should give my parents gifts," I said.
"I knew you wouldn't know, that's why I'm calling you," E. said. "You should pick something for your dad, too."

"E. says you should give my parents presents," I told M.
"I know. My parents already told me that. That's why I asked you what should I bring," he said.
"Oh. You did?"
"Yes, and you said I shouldn't bother."
"Oh." I didn't remember M. asking me, but it sounded like something I would have said.

At least M. brought a suit and tie, although he grumbled somewhat about it. He initially thought he could get away with wearing a button down shirt and trousers but his parents told him he needed a suit - a fact confirmed by E. later. M. and I are two clueless children trying to navigate the complicated world of Korean 'meet the parents' etiquette. I don't know whether we will be going over to my parents' house or whether we will be sitting in some anonymous restaurant. I don't know what my parents will say to M., or what M. should say back, and this is why E. has been hired as a consultant to the process. M. is not as worried about this meeting as much as I am.
"What they think of me isn't going to change what I think of you," he said.
I can't relax about it. I do everything I want regardless of what my parents think but, for just this once I think, isn't it just nicer to have your parents on your side when you're planning to get married?

My parents and my grandparents live by a Victorian code of conduct, so they wanted to see M.'s family's register. All Koreans have a family register that details the date and location of birth and other major life events of their entire family. My dad called me once he had received a copy from M.'s uncle in Seoul.
"M.'s family moved to Korea in the latter Koryo dynasty from China," he said. The Koryo dynasty ruled the Korean peninsula from A.D. 935 to 1392. My little sister told me that he had looked up the origins of M.'s family surname on the Internet.
"So?" I said.
"So they're immigrants," my dad said.
"That was in the 14th century," I said.
"They didn't live in a good address in Seoul," my dad continued.
"Why do you think they emigrated to the States if they had a good life in Korea?" I asked.
"Why do you want to marry someone who has a lonely emigré's life in a country you've never lived in?" he asked back.
"I'm living the life of an immigrant now," I reminded him.
"You don't have to make life difficult for yourself," he said.
"I'm not. I'm moving in with a very intelligent nice young man to live in a cosmopolitan city. I'm not moving to a Third World country to live off cockroaches and scrap pans," I said.
"You will have difficulty finding a job. M.'s family will not be able to help you," my dad said.
"M.'s family is not exactly begging on the streets, and neither is M." I said.
"They're not rich," my dad said.
"So what? I don't recall us being a chaebol family, either," I said.
"Find a Korean lawyer and get married in Seoul," my dad said. "Love can grow between a man and a woman."
That was an amalgamation of the many conversations I have had over the past month with my father.

The conversations with my mother have been far, far worse.
"You shouldn't send me any more pocket money," she said once. "You're going to be poor in New York because you won't have a job so you should start saving up your money."
"Mum, M. is hardly destitute and I'm not going to be a beggar in New York," I said.
"You think so? There are many New Yorkers finding it difficult to find a job, how come you are so sure you'll find one?" she said.
"Mum, I'm sure M. will take care of me if there is a real difficulty in finding a job, and I have my own savings," I said. My mum snorted.
"Well, you'll find out the hard way how difficult it is to have to ask someone for money," she said.

I don't know how this weekend is going to go. I know what my parents are worried about and I'm sure they are right to worry about these things because they are my parents. But I want them to stop worrying unnecessarily. M. and I may be big children, but we're not stupid children - we are both intelligent little brats and can work things out for ourselves to lead a good life together. Yes, there are no guarantees that everything will work out, but we've got a good a chance as any to make things work. Just give us a chance.