The Drama Queen Cometh

It took two days of marathon meetings, in an atmosphere so strained you'd think we were trying to wring soy sauce out of Mexican beans, for the participants to finally reveal their true, ugly colours at this morning's meeting. No more niceties - no water, and certainly no smiles - were offered by anyone to their counterparts. Brisk, contemptuous remarks - "You have no idea what you are doing", "No, no, no and no" being the two most popular - were hurled by each side to the other.

The toxic feelings unveiled during these meetings generally infect my own moods - I feel crabby and irritable and this leads me to become my very own Drama Queen. I called M., because that's what Drama Queens do - they call their boyfriends and cause emotional panic. Fortunately, M. has enough experience in dealing with my Drama Queen modus operandi so he handled it very well:

M.: "Hi baby."
Drama Queen: "Do you think you feel happy about the idea of us getting married? Because..."
M.: "Yes."
Drama Queen: "... I think, you know, we should talk about it. I mean, if you're not completely happy about us getting married..."
M.: "Did you not hear what I just said?"
Drama Queen: "Oh."
(There is a silence while Drama Queen works out what to say next and M. evaluates the situation.)
M.: "I don't think we should talk about this right now. You sound crabby and you're miserable because it's the morning and you're not a morning person. You tend to see everything in a negative light when it's the morning."
Drama Queen: "I do?"
M.: "Yes. You're definitely not a morning person."
Drama Queen: "Oh. All right then."

So my Drama Queen had to find something else to wring her hands about instead. She came up with Citibank's Visa Card renewal scheme:

Customer Servicer: "Yes ma'am. How may I help you?"
Drama Queen: "Oh well I've only called you a hundred times before to ask why you haven't credited my renewal air miles?"
Customer Servicer: "Hold on a minute please while I check your records."
Drama Queen: "Of course."
(Drama Queen calculates while waiting that the 3,000 air miles would cost her otherwise HK$24,000 to accumulate. She starts tapping her fingers against the desk.)
Customer Servicer: "Ma'am, the air miles will be credited to your November bill. Is that all right?"
Drama Queen: "Well, you know I did renew the card in July, and you did say they would be credited within six to eight weeks, and I have been asking a hundred times before to have them credited...Oh, OK then. Bye."

Not satisfied with having been a royal pain in the neck so far, the Drama Queen ran off to wring her hands at the idea of having to pay taxes before she can collect her last pay cheque and leave the country:

Accounts department person: "All you need to do is cut them [the Inland Revenue] a cheque for the amount of tax you haven't paid yet."
Drama Queen: "Of course. I mean, all I have to do is to give them my life savings."
(She throws her hands up in the air and plonks her head down on the horrified Accounts person's desk.)
Accounts department person: "Er. Surely we pay you enough to pay your tax bill? Your life savings must come to more than that."
Drama Queen: "I know. I mean it feels like it."

Practice makes perfect.