Frazzled brain

It is a dark wood. J-A is kneeling with her eyes closed and hands clasped in prayer by a shallow pond filled with the bright light of the full moon.
J-A : "Mountain spirit, mountain spirit, please return my axe."
A thousands-of-years-old mountain spirit with white hair tied up with a white band and long, flowing robes appears in a puff of smoke, floating above the surface of the water. He coughs to draw J-A's attention as she is still immersed in her prayers.
Mountain Spirit: "Eh hem. I've brought an axe just in case, but I think you're confused. You're not the woodcutter I met five hundred years ago."
J-A: "No, sir. I just couldn't think of any other way to call you and I could only remember that story about the woodcutter."
Mountain Spirit: "Oh. Well, then, I'm just going to toss this, since it's heavy."
He chucks the axe into water with a plonk. It sinks.
Mountain Spirit: "Now, why did you call me?"
J-A: "I need your help. See, I have to get married soon."
Mountain Spirit: "And? Do you want me to help you have a son who will be a famous scholar some day?"
J-A : "Er, famous scholars don't really get that much attention any more, Mountain Spirit. But that's not the point. Let's not discuss children yet, shall we? I want you to clone me."
Mountain Spirit: "Clone you? Or clean you? You don't smell or anything."
J-A: "I mean cloning. The process that Dolly the sheep went through, you know?"
Mountain Spirit: "I may have to consult my spirit encyclopaedia. Why do you need this anyway?"
J-A: "Because I have so much to do, I need to find a way to be at a lot of different places at once."
Mountain Spirit: "Like, you mean, omni-present?"
J-A: "No, not exactly, I mean, I wouldn't dare wish for something that only spirits like you can do."
Mountain Spirit: "What do you need to do, anyway?"
J-A: "Well, my dad wants me to be in Korea so that I can spend more time with my family before the New Year. My boyfriend wants me to be in New York and I want to be there too. My friends in Hong Kong probably wouldn't mind me hanging around for a bit more. And I haven't seen my friends in London for over a year. Plus my friends in Seoul wouldn't mind seeing me too, I'll bet."
Mountain Spirit: "I hear they have this new-fangled thingy called the 'Internet'. Doesn't that work? I saw Spock and Captain Kirk using it."
J-A: "You're confused. That's not the same thing, sir. But anyway, so I just want to be split into several 'me's. Can you do it?"
Mountain Spirit: "Well. I can do it, of course, because I can do everything, but if I did this, it would be against the laws of Heaven. So, no."
J-A: "Not even if I can give you offerings of rice cake and pork?"
Mountain Spirit: "Not even then."
J-A: "But then what am I supposed to do?"
Mountain Spirit: "Drink some kimchi-soup. Read out Kahlil Gibran's 'Children' to your dad. Send your friends cards and letters so that they know you love them. Call your sisters and your mum more often. Aren't you meant to be flying off to New York next week anyway? The fundamental problem is, mortal life is short, and you can't do anything about that."
J-A starts sobbing.
Mountain Spirit: "Cheer up, it's not all that bad. At least you don't have to wear this robe all day and fetch axes that careless woodcutters throw in ponds."
J-A: "I suppose so."
She dries her tears.
Mountain Spirit: "There now. I'd still like those rice cakes and pork, please."
J-A: "Oh all right."