The effect of monkeys drafting documents

It is a truth universally acknowledged that poring over documents which appear to have been drafted by monkeys on holiday in Hawaii* will bring the reader down to the depths of despair**.
"I'm reading documents drafted by monkeys!" I cried out to M. as I sat at home last night, reading the ill-crafted writing. M. was watching ESPN on the sofa far, far away.
"Mmm," he said, with as much sympathy as he could muster. I went back to my reading until I could stand it no more.
"But I have to read more documents... and they're all drafted by monkeys!" I cried out later, as I flopped into the bed.
"OK, if you're going to whinge, I'm not talking to you," M. said, as he turned over to the other side.

Such is my fate, I lamented to myself on the ferry on my way in to the office to read more monkey language. Then sadness turned to anger***. Why is it that I have no one to complain to? Where have all my good friends gone? I kicked my desk. Where's the love? ****

As if by magic*****, the phone rang.
"Hi J-A, it's K., here, just calling to see how you're doing." K. lives in Singapore, and she had bothered to call me long-distance. I was touched but I was still not fully consoled. Just as I was firing off emails to a friend in London and several in Asia complaining about my monkey-ridden life, I received another call.
"Hi J-A, it's R. How are you?" R. lives in Hong Kong, and she had also bothered to call me long-distance, just to catch up. O ye of little faith indeed, I scolded myself. I am loved, afterall. It's just them dratted monkeys.

* an all-inclusive holiday at that, with free pina coladas.
** not to mention the mis-quoting of Jane Austen and use of hyperbole.
*** luckily, not hate, as we all know, hate leads to suffering - per Yoda in 'Star Wars - Episode II'.
****you should all know, there was a time when I used to dance to this song by the Black Eyed Peas in clubs, once upon a time. Ah, the good old days.
***** only the English will know what children's programme this comes from - 'Mister Benn'.

4:49 PM |