Belated ruminations on 2005 and the new year

It is difficult to comprehend how fast time goes by until you sit down and make the effort to take a look at your life. At least, that's how it has been for me.

I started 2005 by being delirious - I crossed over half the planet to be with M. in a country I'd visited only twice before. I gave up an opportunity to become something other than a corporate lawyer to become a corporate lawyer, yet again (why oh why oh my). Then the complete madness surrounding the planning for the wedding in late August was something else. I'd like to think that 2005 was the year I finally sorted out my personal life for good. It's a great thing when your friends can breathe a sigh of relief for you when you tell them you're happily married.

What should happen this year?
"You don't know how to ski, do you?" My mum asked me when I called her this weekend.
"No," I said.
"Well, don't bother to learn. Stick with golf." She'd been to a ski resort for the first time in her entire life that day, and her body was aching in ways she hadn't anticipated. OK, Mum.

I suspect though, this year may well be the year M. and I will have to figure out a way to deal with the already thorny issue of my work hours. I'm not sure in what way. The funny thing is, I got a pretty good evaluation from the office - it's funny because these days all I am doing in the office is trying hard not to look as exhausted as I feel and getting a good evaluation is not really what I'm focussing on. It's been a tough end of the year for me, and really, the break from blogging was not because I was thinking of giving it up, but because all I did when I was at home was to pass out on the sofa. Honestly, it felt as though I was being punished for having had such a lovely holiday before.
"You're going to quit if you get sick again," M said, the night we discovered I had to take the second round of antibiotics in two weeks for yet another infection brought on by stress.
"And then what am I supposed to do, give free yoga lessons on the streets?" I said.
"I'm serious. You're going to quit if you get sick one. more. time," M said. "I'm sure we'll find you something else to do."
So that's one major issue. I find that when my personal life is going really well, my work life nosedives, and vice versa. It hasn't ever really kept to a happy equilibrium. At the moment I'm compiling a list of things that people I know who used to be lawyers have done after leaving the law, in the hopes that it will inspire me. So far the inspiration hasn't struck. But then we are still in January 2006.

So, 2006 will be the year of learning to play golf, getting hit by a majestic inspiration, and some travel. Travel will always feature in my yearly plans because although I usually hate the process of getting to a destination, once I'm there I'm happier than a squirrel that found a stash of nuts. I resolve to get good presents for M. to make up for the fact that I have given him no Christmas presents this year (oh yes, on top of not sending out any Christmas cards this year, I had no time to buy presents, not even online). Oh and some major reconnecting with family members (who have probably given up all hope of decent communication with me) and friends (likewise). I also resolve to focus my reading to cover more of the subjects that I am interested in - art and history - rather than give in to all the popular books of the moment. Apparently I'm going to be allowed to do some pro bono work this year, on the assumption that I will have the time to do it.

This is also (in my mind) the time to be thankful. Now my grumpiness has subsided somewhat (with the help of St John's Wort), I think I can be honestly thankful. I am glad my parents are still alive and 'relatively' well. I am glad my sisters are out doing their own thing and trying to live their lives. I am happy most of my friends are fine and alive, despite the bombings in London and the tsunami in Asia. My biggest resolution this year must be to remember more often how many things I have in my life to be thankful for.